I have long gone to prayer books to be an aid to me in prayer. I know that some don't like prayer books, claiming that prayer should only be from the heart. But if this argument is taken to a logical conclusion then the only worship we sing should be spontaneous and composed only by the one singing. But that's beside the point. For me I came to find these prayers as beautiful aids. I used these borrowed prayers when I knew not what to pray. Or when it felt as though I had forgotten how to. And because of this I wanted to include a prayer at the end of each chapter of my first book. But as I did so I did not copy the prayer that I read in the books, but I had adapted my own prayers from them. In doing so I was able to make them even more personal and also easier to read for those who are not familiar with the older english in which these prayers have been written. So I invite you to pray with me. I hope that in borrowing my prayer you may be as filled as I have been when borrowing the prayers of others...
You are better than I could ever dare to imagine.
But I am wicked, sinful, miserable, and unable to see rightly.
I know in my head that I should come and confess to You,
but in my heart I still feel the pull away from You and a desire to hide.
I bring myself completely to You.
I give You all of me to do whatever You want.
Break me, wound me, bend me, mould me.
Show me the true face of my sin so that I may hate and run from it.
I have used the body, mind, and spirit You gave me to rebel against You.
In doing so I have misused what you have given to me for my good and Your glory.
In doing so I have allied with against you with the most evil of enemies.
Give me the grace to truly regret my numbed feelings.
Let me quickly learn that the path of sin is a path of hardship, pain, and trouble.
Teach me that to run from You is to run from that which is good.
I have seen the beauty and goodness of Your perfect word,
the joy of those who believe it and allow it to lead them,
the righteousness of those who are shaped by it,
and yet I daily act as if Your word is false and I am my own law.
But even still the Spirit lovingly wrestles with me,
He brings the warnings of Your Word to my mind and heart,
He speak to me through Your everyday providence,
He calls to me through His gentle voice.
And yet I still choose to follow the desires and lust of my own heart.
And in doing so challenge You to abandon me.
For all these sins I call out and beg that You would forgive me.
Fill me up with a godly grief that trembles and fears You,
yet one that also trusts and loves You.
Knowing that Your word speaks that those who fear and love You are Yours.
Abba, give me the grace to be truly weep over my sins and hate them.
Let me see clearly the brightness and glories of the cross, even in my darkest night*.
If you would like to order a copy the book in which this prayer is found you may order a copy by going to http://kck.st/2TmXLXK
*Adapted from ‘Yet I Sin’ from the Valley of Vision Prayer Book